Guess who's back.... back again....
Man, I miss blogging. I started this blog many, many years ago to just spew out thoughts. Then it turned into emotional thought spewing through a break-up. Then it turned into boring thought spewing after the dust settled from the break-up. Then I went on hiatus for over a year because I was embarrassed by my boring thought spewing after the dust settled from the break-up. Today, I decided to revisit the emotional thought spewing through a break-up, and was inspired to spew thoughts again.
Are you following all of this?
Basically, I miss writing. And for a long time, I had something to write about. Then I didn't. Or at least, I didn't feel like I had anything worth reading. But honestly, I don't care anymore. I miss me some blogging. So here I am. Again.
(Insert ::pause:: for all 3 of my old readers to cheer. Hi Mom.)
I would like to start out by saying that, yes, I am still single. I'd like to think that having to wait this long to find my partner in life MUST mean that someone fantastic is destined for me. (If you'd like to think otherwise, keep your mouth shut and let me hold onto my hopefulness.)
In case you'd like a little bit of background, I've had two great
loves in my life. One lasted 8 and a half years (off and on... you know,
a SUPER healthy relationship), and the second lasted about 2 and a half
years. The first one taught me about love and the second one taught me
about myself. Near the end of the second one, I didn't like who I was in
relationships so I sought help in a therapist to change myself. In the
year after the break-up from the second one (and a year under the guidance of The Most
Amazing Therapist in the World), I discovered a new me. It was really an
emotional, eye-opening, mind-altering time period for me. (Feel free to
scroll through the '08-'09 posts for proof.)
That last relationship ended four years ago. For someone who
spent her 20s either in a relationship or in love, it has been an
interesting (and sometimes LONG) four years.
In that time period, I've learned a shit-ton about dating:
I've learned to not get (that) nervous for first dates anymore. I've learned that the ones who look like they're a perfect fit sometimes aren't, no matter how hard or how many times you try. I've learned that guys are sometimes shady and will blatantly go after your friend and then deny the shadiness of the situation when you call them out. I've learned that it takes about 2-3 dates to really decide if you like someone. Sometimes it only takes 2-3 minutes. I've learned that some guys over-think shit more than I do. I've learned just how important in-person chemistry is.
In general, I've learned to let go of expectations when it comes to the opposite sex. Some call it a smart move... I just call it cynicism. Sometimes that cynicism helps me brush off another failed attempt (or what I like to call "another one bites the dust"), and sometimes I feel like it might get in the way of this process. Either way, I've noticed myself becoming less and less emotionally involved.
You might be thinking, "She just basically said she's emotionally unavailable." I don't think that I am. I think when the right person comes along, my heart will open again. But if I'm going to have to be in the ugly war-zone of dating in my 30s, I have to be a little emotionally unattached to do so.
I'm not sure what direction this blog will now take. I'm sure it'll be mostly be my rantings (and hopefully some ravings) about being single. I might throw in some random banter about my thoughts on life from time-to-time. But only if you're lucky. At this point, anything's game.
I do know, however, that it feels good to be pecking at this keyboard again in a blog format. Awwwww yeeeeeeahhhh...