Wednesday, December 30, 2009

The space between

Long distance relationships... can they succeed? Is it actually possible for two people to be able to maintain a healthy connection, while miles apart? I'm talking enough miles to separate you so that you can't just get off work and go and visit that person for a few hours and then go home. This could be a lengthy drive or plane flight away.

My cousin is in a long distance relationship (LDR). She began dating her boyfriend when they lived near enough to one another (I would assume) and then he moved to England to go to grad school. That was like a year ago and they're still together.

But are LDRs cut out for everyone? I've tried this once. The boyfriend who I kept going back to over and over again had moved to Vegas and we had tried it out once while he was there. It was hard. It was also during the summer, when I was off work. Well, in my defense, I did have a summer job, working 8-4, Monday through Friday. So weekends were the only time we could see each other, if we could see each other. It obviously didn't work out, but was that because of the distance? In this case, I'd say probably not. It would have ended anyway. In fact, that relationship ending had nothing to do with geographical distance.

I've obviously been presented with an opportunity to be in a LDR. I say it like it's a business offer. But I feel like I'm weighing out the costs and benefits of it like it is one. Without getting into specifics, I met an amazing guy awhile back. At the time, I was in a "relationship", and had no idea this guy was attracted to me. Anyway, he began pursuing me after my last little "relationship" and I've kinda started to fall for him. But I can't get past the fact that he lives almost 2 hours away.

I had this conversation with him a few nights ago. Poor guy. He listened as I sat there and rattled off every reason why this wouldn't work. I don't want to be a weekend (or every other weekend) girlfriend. I will most likely start to resent the fact that we live so far away. I'm not equipped to deal with not being able to see him whenever I want to (within reason, of course). What happens if this goes further and one of us has to move.... Yeah, all of this word vomit was coming out of my mouth as if my brain had no filter. But this is who I am. I think and I catastrophize and I try and plan things that really have no business being planned. I don't just let things happen.

The thing that he said that kinda struck me (aside from pointing out that everything that I was saying was negatives about us being together) was that LDRs happen all the time. It's not like we're the only people in the history of relationships that have tried this. Well, yeah. Duh. But these people aren't me. Or maybe I'm just refusing to be them without actually trying. Why do I do that? Why do I try to solve all my problems so as to avoid being hurt or wrong or in a situation I'm not comfortable with? Why do I try to plan so much? Why can't I just live in the moment? Why can't I just stop looking and start living (yeah, kinda cliche, but it fit)?

So the only thing that I could comfortably decide on was trying this. Because if I don't try this, I will always wonder, what if? Yeah, he's that amazing of a guy that I have to try this. What I'm worried about is now that I've decided that much, will I ultimately destroy it with my already established negativity? I hope not. I hope to wholeheartedly give this LDR a chance. I do have hope that with enough communication and trust, this might actually work. That I might actually be destined to be with this guy. And if that's the case, let's get this going. I'm willing to put in the work if he is. I'm willing to sacrifice, as long as he is. Where it will take us... I guess only time and patience will tell.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Dave + Tim + Vegas = Amazing

Mom: So, who did you drive to Vegas to see again?
Me: Dave Matthews?
Mom: Ohhhh, Dave Matthews.
Dad (in the background): Who did she go and see?
Mom (to Dad): Dave Matthews. That's the guy I told you about that sings the song with that other country singer. I like him. I like his raspy voice.

Yes. Mom hearts Dave.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Oh what a wonderful weeeeeekend...

What a great weekend!

Thursday night I went to the Kings game with the guy I used to date. Yeah, thought it was a bad idea after I impulsively asked him, but ended up having a really good time with him. No, nothing happened, I was just reminded that his issues have nothing to do with me and more to do with him. I've figured out that he does care about me and enjoy being around me, but there's a big difference between liking me and committing to me. And if he can't commit, he gets me as a friend. Only.

Friday, I spent the day at Disneyland with my family. My nieces are freakin adorable and it reminded me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family.

Saturday I went out to dinner with some old friends from high school. I hadn't seen most of them in years, but I'm finding out more and more that people love to hang out... I just have to ask them. I also met up with someone who I had met a few months ago, at a Dave Matthews Band concert. He was in town so met up with my friends and me. Totally cool guy. I just felt bad that he left from hanging out with us at 12:45am and had to drive all the way back to San Diego.

Today, I did The Amazing L.A. Race with an old friend. It's L.A.'s version of The Amazing Race (the one on TV). We had no idea what to expect this morning when we showed up, but seriously, it was one of the most fun things I've done in a long time. We literally spent the day traveling around L.A., searching for and solving clues. We made it to the finish in reasonable time, not in last place, and without having to call for help (and get docked time). I will post more when I get the pictures we took throughout the race. Yeah, we took pictures. We didn't care. We had to capture the moments of us on this race.

What good times....