Lonely, party of one

I'm kinda lonely lately. I mean, I have friends that I hang out with and I know I have a ton of people who care about me. But I'm just lonely. I wonder how long before I finally get to share my life with someone. I'm ready. I'm ready to settle down and do this. I feel like my baggage has been dealt with and I'm ready to be in love again. For real. But it's not happening.

My dad asked me the other day if I liked living by myself. And I do. Completely. I'm not depressed and holed up inside (besides the whole being sick for 2 weeks episode), I just want to move on to the next chapter in my life. I want to stop going to family functions alone. I want to have a workout partner. I want to have a partner, in general. And sometimes I wonder if it'll ever happen.

This will probably sound ridiculous and totally lame, but for some reason, I can't imagine myself on my wedding day. I mean, I could imagine myself graduating from college. I could imagine myself in a classroom in front of kids. I could imagine myself crossing the finish line when I did my halfer last year. But I can't imagine myself getting married. Is that a sign?? Does that mean it's not going to happen? That honestly scares the shit outta me.

So I wait. Like I always do. I be patient and have faith that the reason I'm having to wait so long is because what I'll finally end up with will be more than I could have ever hoped for. My faith is just wearing thin lately...