Monday, April 27, 2009

Bummed

I'm pretty bummed that today, I lost someone who I thought was my friend. Thought our friendship was a strong one. I considered her one of my best friends, actually.

Apparently I was wrong.

And the worst part? I never really got the respect to get a heart-to-heart about it. I had to force the reason out of her through text. And I still don't understand it completely.

I really can't imagine what I could have done to her that could have been THAT bad. And if I did, I wish she would have talked to me about it.

But I guess that's how it goes.

I just have to stand by the belief that everything happens for a reason.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Hiding shit, travels, and being 30

I seriously suck at posting these days. I don't know what to write about. I used to write about my issues with the ex, but I feel like I'm pretty much past it all. I could write about my issues with dating now, but I'm just not completely comfortable with it. I honestly have no idea who reads this, so if I were to completely say what I wanted, I might mow some egos down. And I'm not into that. So if I can't be raw and feel comfortable doing so, I don't want to write about it.

As an update, went to Paris and London with some of my lady friends. Lady friends whom I never would have met, had my life not gone down the path it has in the last year. So I'm thankful for that and to have them in my life. We had a blast (or at least I did). I finally feel like I'm that girl that has been places. I always wanted to be that girl, but now I am. Score. Friends and family are asking where my next trip will be. I have no idea. But the fact that the possibilities are always there makes life interesting.

I'm going through the, "I want to share my life with someone" phase. What's different about it this time around is that I'm totally ok with being alone (it doesn't bum me out), but I just don't want to be here for the rest of my life. And everyone tells me, "Oh Brandi, you won't." For the first time in my life, I don't know what is going to happen in that area of my life. When I was 18, I knew I'd go to college, find the love of my life, get married, have 2.5 kids, and a house with a white picket fence by the time I was 25. Yeah. I know.

Now I'm 30, and I don't regret anything that has happened in my life. In fact, I'm glad I'm not living the dream that I thought I wanted. But what's funny is that I never planned for life after 30. It was like, I was going to accomplish all of that stuff, and then I'd be happy. All of it would bring me happiness.

So these plans haven't happened and I've made no other plans. I feel like I'm just waiting.

Is that bad? Should I have plans? Part of me says yes, because I want to always strive for something. But then part of me says no, because my plans were unrealistic and fairytale-ish. And lame. And if I've learned anything in my 20s, it's that NOTHING goes exactly as planned. So I do things when they come about or when I want to do them. But I'm in limbo. And I hate being in limbo.

So, pretty much, my life is boring right now. No emotional issues to wane about. No need to talk about dating. Nothing going on.

So, I apologize for the lack of posting. It may be awhile before anything else comes up.