Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Dear Nail Salon Lady Who Waxed Me Today,

Let me count the ways I love you....

1) You manicure my eyebrows like no other. They are so perfectly sculpted after I leave your wannabe spa room.
2) You ask me if I want something to drink. At least, I think that's what you asked me. After saying, "I'm sorry?" once, I can only assume that is what you said. You left it alone after I said, "No thanks."
3) You did not ask me if I wanted my upper lip waxed this time. Sure, I had already asked you to do it, but at least I know you weren't talking trash in your head about the apparent massive mustache you think I have. You ripped that shit off today.
4) You bring tears to my eyes. Literally. I've gotten used to your "sensitivity" when it comes to my eyebrows, but the upper lip is a new and delightful experience for me. Holy shit.
5) You spent a good portion of my sitting trying to convince me to get a pedicure. At least, I think. I have to respect the saleswoman in you.
6) You took my threading virginity away from me today. Threading is a new and fantastic experience. I think you felt bad for me because my eyes were crazy watering after the upper lip situation.

You are an amazing artist and I am counting the days until we can share in this moment again. Thank you for giving me my $13 (plus tip) worth.

Love,
Brandi

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Dear Spray & Wash MAX with Resolve Power,

I had my doubts, but you do, in fact, work. You took away the pink champagne stain that landed on my shirt before we left the house last night. I wanted to change the shirt where said stain landed, but was told that "no one could see it." I still think the people who offered the aforementioned advice were in a hurry and didn't want me to change. Because you could TOTALLY see the stain. The good news is, I forgot about the stain after 2 glasses of wine, a good portion of champagne, 2 Pear Ciders, and a shot of tequila.

But I digress.

Your instructions told me to spray, wait NO MORE than 15 minutes, and then wash. Huh, interesting concept. So I sprayed, waited a tad longer than 15 minutes, came back and the stain was gone! I washed immediately after. And by "wash," I mean, rinsed in the sink.

So thank you, amazing little bottle of stain remover. You saved me from throwing out a very cute, brand new shirt.

Love,
Brandi (your new bestie)

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Dear Luck,

Wow. I'm not really sure how you managed to appear this week, but you were sure there for me. Again.

On Wednesday, 16 of the wonderful ladies (and 2 men) that I work with were served with their pink slips telling them that they may not have a job next year. I knew I was obviously in that group of 18 of our 27 certificated staff, because the word was, anyone that got hired after 2000 was doomed. I was hired in 2002. I had already mentally and emotionally prepared myself for the notification. I had my breakdown with my mom and realized that I couldn't change whatever was going to happen in the end. If I lost my job, I would move back home or to my brother's and get a job or two where I could. I was at peace with it.

On Wednesday, my staff got their pink slips. I wasn't at work, because my family went to Disneyland for my niece's 3rd birthday. It wasn't purposely planned, I had requested the personal day at least a month beforehand. I wasn't trying to avoid. I was ready.

On Thursday, I came into work and my Assistant Principal whisked me into her office and closed the door as soon as I walked in. She proceeded to tell me that I was I not receiving a pink slip this year because I have a supplementary authorization to teach Language Arts to Jr. highers and Freshmen.

I'm sorry... what?

Let's travel back 8 years ago....

I was sitting in my academic counselor's office making sure all my classes were on track to get my Bachelor's and to get into the Credential Program. She proceeds to tell me that because I took an extra semester of classes to waive the MSAT (big teacher test back then, now the CSET), I had earned a supplementary authorization in Language Arts.

I think I actually laughed and said, "Awesome." I didn't try for this. I honestly wanted to stay as far away from the MSAT as I possibly could. I am a horrible test taker. I psyche myself out for whatever reason. I can usually pass them, but with the girls I knew at that time telling me that the test was ridiculously hard, I had decided that the waiver would be the best option for me. It was only one more semester (Spring) and I wasn't going to walk until May anyway.

Fast forward 8 years and that bastard is what f-ing saved my ass from losing my job. Holy shit. Of course this means that I may have to teach Language Arts (my least favorite - and worst- subject to teach) to 7th, 8th, or 9th graders (ugh).... but at this point, a teaching job is a teaching job.

On a side, and totally unrelated, note... about 4 years ago, the state was recalling those who waived the MSAT to come back and take the CSET (the newer version of the MSAT) because they weren't "counting" the waiver as something equivalent to the test. They told everyone who got the waiver after June 2001 that their waiver didn't count.

I got my waiver in May 2001.

When will you run out, my dear friend, Luck????

Thank you for being there when I need(ed) you,
Brandi (totally employed for at least another year)

*I stated in the earlier post that our district was in the hole 3 billion. I totally meant 44 million. Meh, pocket change at this point. Just wanted to clarify.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Dear Economy,

Ok, I feel you. I really do. For awhile, I thought, wow, this economy sucks and is kicking the shit out of people around me right and left. But I keep getting avoided.

Until yesterday.

Yesterday I found out that because of you and my district's 3 BILLION dollar debt, I might get laid off. I've been teaching for 7 years. Seven. I realize that's not a lot in comparison to others who have lost their 20-year job because their company folded, but in teaching years, it really is a lot.

After my breakdown (and talking to my mom), I sat up and realized you're an asshole and there's nothing I can do to change that. But this is the thing... how did it get so bad? Maybe that's a stupid question, but who are the selfish douchebags that got us in this position? Can we line them all up and throw rocks at them?

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this won't actually happen to me (though, the pink slip I'll be getting next week will be a reminder for 3 months that it could), but I have plenty of friends who this WILL happen to. They WILL lose their jobs. And they have mortgages and families and car payments. What will they do?

I don't understand what you want from us. Most of us have done our best to be good citizens, pay our shit on time, and not make any lame purchases. But you're still f-ing with us. And I'm disgusted with it.

So you and your debt can kiss my ass. My friends and I will be feeling sorry for ourselves at the local bar next Friday. Maybe the money we contribute in drinks will help soften the debt.

Pissed off,
A teacher who loves her job, but might lose it after 7 years