Saturday, December 27, 2008

Donde esta el bano?

My Mexicanness has been under questioning lately. And I don't wonder why. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it wasn't questioned earlier.

Yesterday, I did a class at the gym called Zumba. This is seriously one of the greatest aerobics classes ever invented. This is the desription:

"This workout combines high energy and motivating music with synchronized dance movements designed for any fitness level. The routines feature aerobic fitness interval training with a combination of fast and slow rhythms that tone and sculpt the body. Want to burn some calories and have fun? Then Zumba is for you!"

At first, my friend and I were like, so? This could be Senior Fit for all we know. So we investigated. We asked the lady who teaches Step what this Zumba thing was. I don't remember exactly what she said, but I heard 'Latin music' and 'Latin dance moves' in her description. We were sold.

So we went to the next Zumba class and were mesmorized by the music and dance moves and aerobic workout. But this is the thing... I apparently have no Latin rhythm. You know how they put those mirrors up so you can check yourself out while you're getting your aerobisize on? (Why
do they have the mirrors up?) Well, I made the mistake of taking my eyes off of the instructor to see what I looked like. Holy shit! I instantly became embarrassed at my lack of Latin rhythm. There were 2 Latin girls behind me who obviously knew how to be Latin and that I'm sure called each other after the class to discuss my lack of Latinness.

Another reason why I suck at being Mexican? I can't handle spicy foods. At all. Like, my nose runs when I eat the salsa they give you at Mexican restaurants. But that's my dad's fault, who is the reason for my half-Mexicanness. He
sweats when he eats that salsa.

Another reason why I suck at being Mexican? I can't a-speak a-Spanish. It drives my not-Mexican friend who is the.greatest.Spanish.speaker.ever crazy. I actually met her in a Spanish class this summer. I suck at speaking Spanish. I think it's because I know I should be better and I'm embarrassed, so I don't try. I hang my head in shame at my horribleness. Ok, in my defense, I have the first semester of Spanish nailed. But really, who doesn't. Verbs are my enemy. They should die an unholy death for being so difficult to memorize. Expecially the stem-changers and the irregulars. I hate them. So I gave up learning.

So, yes, I kinda suck at being Mexican. But I'm not sad about it. Why? Because I got the skin color and the ass to prove my Mexicanness. Sure, my last name is there too, but that'll change one day. I'll always have the skin and ass. So what now?

You know you want my Mexicanness.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I'm sorry litle piggy

Ew. I just discovered something that I kinda knew was going to happen but didn't really want it to. One of my toenails is going to come off. Yeah, I know. Gross. But I was told it would happen as a runner. As a matter of fact, my feet and toenails are so jacked up since I started running, I'm going to go and see a podiatrist. That's how bad it's become. And I'm not going to quit running. That would be crazy!

So yeah, I'm losing a nail. And I think I'm losing the worst one of all. My big toenail!! Ugh. I'm not happy. At least I can be thankful that it's wintertime and my toes will be covered 98% of the time anyway. And when they're not, I'm the only that will see. Ew. I'm so grossed out.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Metamorphosis? Conversion? Modification? Shift? Transformation?

How does one know that they've changed? Sure, you can change a hair style or a shirt and see the results right away. But how does a person know they've changed? Are we always changing? Do some people just never change? Is it something you don't realize because you're with yourself every second of every hour of every day?

At the beginning of summer, I decided that I wanted to change. I wanted to be a better me. I wanted to be more independent and more in love with myself. But have I achieved that? And if I did, how do I know? Is it all a mindset? Why do I feel like I have some days and haven't other days? Why do people call me an inspiration, but I don't see how what I do in my existence is any different that what another person does? How am I an inspiration? It doesn't make sense to me.

I feel like I've achieved a lot of things in the past few months that I never thought I was capable of doing, but I still feel like the same person. It's like when someone says, "I don't feel 30." Well, what does 30 feel like? What does change feel like? Would I know if I felt it? Or do I just look back one day and say, "Wow, I've changed." And how long does that take? How long does change take? Is it like love, where you just know?

I thought these holidays were going to be difficult. And when I think of difficult, I think of when I was without the 8-year ex on holidays and I would feel sick and sad and would just want to sit in a room by myself because I couldn't handle being without him. But it's not like that. I'm not sad. But I'm not totally happy. I'm lonely. But I'm not depressed. I would rather not be alone, but being alone isn't so bad. Ok, that's a change from the 8-year ex, but is it the change I'm looking for?

I don't know exactly what I'm looking for right now. Maybe I'm looking for happiness. Maybe I'm looking for a bigger change. I've been contemplating moving. And not like moving down the street like I have been for the last 7 years. I mean moving. New York? Overseas? Am I running from something? Am I running to something? Will it help me discover anything about myself? Is it worth leaving everything I love and have known for the last 30 years to relocate? What if I hate it? What if I can't come back to what I have right now? I love my job... where I work, who I work with, the kids I teach, the respect that I've earned. What if I leave and I can't handle my new life? I don't know what to do. And I shouldn't make this decision right now if I'm not ready to. But what if I am ready and I'm just scared? I was scared to take my trip by myself, but once I did it, it was fine. Once I got out of the car at LAX, I was calm. And I never looked back. I got homesick once, but I think it was the conditions of the overnight stay. But what if I hate the conditions if I move?

I've told quite a few people about moving and everyone that I talk to (except my parents, of course) have told me to do it. If they were in my position, they would in a heartbeat. But would they? And maybe some have. But they didn't do it alone. I don't even know if it's what I'm looking for. I don't know what I'm looking for, to be honest. Change. That's what I'm looking for. And maybe that's what's happening and I don't even realize it. But I want to see it. I want to know I'm making progress toward my goal.

What does change look like?

Swim -Jack's Mannequin

You gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open yeah
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absense of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
For nights that won't end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you gotta swim
For wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absense of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's an ocean to drift in
Feel the tide shifting away from the spark
Yeah you gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just follow the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Dear MySpace,

Hi.

Yeah, I know, we haven't talked in awhile. I mean, I've said brief 'hellos' here and there but I haven't really stayed and visited with you in a long time. But this is the thing. I've met someone new. And sure, they may not have the same qualities as you. You allowed me to decorate my page and post fun pictures and stuff. But I have to say, I've grown tired of it all. It's exhausting. I'd pick a profile set-up and then be tired of it 3 days later. I'd post things that I thought were funny and couldn't handle looking at them within a week. My profile song started out as my favorite, and then within a few days I hated it. I can't get tired of music that quickly.

We've just grown apart. There's nothing more I can say. We've grown apart and you've been replaced by something that just holds my interest more. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings, but it's true. So you can keep the things I've left at your place. I don't need them anymore. Let's just make a clean break so it doesn't go on forever. It's not healthy for either of us.

Thanks for the memories and the friends you got me back in touch with (and then probably lost touch with again).

Love,
Brandi

Monday, December 15, 2008

Back to the Big Apple

I.am.so.excited. Why, you ask? Perhaps it's because IamgoingbacktoNewYork!!!!!! I went earlier this year (in February) and LOVED it. I was only there for 3 days and I was there on business (sounds so professional) and I was sick. But I've recently found an old friend on Facebook that lives there currently and she has graciously invited me to come and stay with her and her boyfriend. I'm so excited. Have I said that yet? I haven't seen her in a little over 10 years and I'm so excited to hang out and visit some of the places that I missed when I was there last. In what is apparently the coldest time of the year there. Awesome.

Countdown for another trip. Yay! I love traveling!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

It's the hap happiest time of the year

So you know how when it's Christmas time and you go shopping and you buy like 8 things for yourself and 1 actual Christmas gift? No? Oh wait, that's me this season. I think I have an addiction. Seriously. I've gone Christmas shopping like 5 times so far and each time, I come home with at least $100 worth of stuff for me. And I don't even feel guilty. Why? Because I look fabulous in my new big-girl jeans, cute shirts, awesome camel-colored coat that kept me fantastically warm an at outdoor baby shower yesterday, adorable shoes, fantastic new makeup that makes my skin less oily and even-toned, gorgeous rings that hide the fact that I'm don't have a rock on my left hand, and long-sleeved running shirt with moisture wick that kept me warm and dry yesterday on my 10-mile run.

I have also learned all sorts of stuff this year:

My dad and brother are the same person. "What do you want for Christmas?" "Nothing." What?!? I don't care how old I get, I'll never say that. Call me selfish, call me materialistic. I love getting gifts. But, to be fair, I love giving gifts too. So when you say, "nothing," I call bullshit on your ass. Because you're ruining my fun. And for that, you should get over yourself.

I can no longer shop in the Juniors department. At least the Brass Plum of Nordstrom. Why Erin? Because when I dress younger, it makes me look older. So while shopping for myself Christmas presents the other day, I was told I had to try on big-girl jeans. Not like, wow, that's a big girl. No, like, mommy wow! I'm a big girl now! Apparently I'm 30. And my curves are not that of a 16-year old. Is that why I feel like I find myself sucking in my stomach when I'm driving because it's hanging over my ultra-low jeans when I drive? Is that why I always wear an extra long shirt so that my crack doesn't wave to those behind me when I sit or bend over? Ok, let's do this. Give me a pair. So I zip them up and automatically feel weird, but free from sucking it in. They're higher but not 'mom' jeans. I still have about an inch of skin showing below my belly button. And boy were they comfy. And the best part? There are no size zeros!!! I do not feel ginormous while sifting through to the back of the rack! Thank you Erin! Thank you! And to top it off, I get compliments on my new big girl jeans at work the next day. Freedom....

People are awesome. Especially some of those that I used to go to high school with or hung out with back then. I recently rejoined Facebook and I.love.it. I have found so many cool people that I used to hang out with 13 years ago (or longer) that are so freakin funny. I'm already planning a trip back to New York with a friend from back-in-the-day that I lost touch with but found on Facebook. I mean, I like MySpace because I get to do stuff with my page, but honestly, I'm considering dropping that account because I never use it. Facebook is my new BFF. And it tells me things like, "Serena VanderWoodsen is the Gossip Girl character that I'm most like," and "Princess Bride is the 80s movie that describes me most." MySpace doesn't do that shit! Yeah, I think I might break up with MySpace.

Turns out that this Christmas thing isn't so bad after all. I think I might be falling back in love with it.

Monday, December 8, 2008

You know you want to download it.

Ho, ho, ho!
Oh Little Train, my little elf, another great Christmas.
Ah, man, it's boring, it's boring, same thing every year.
So let's have a funky Christmas!

(Something is said here but I can't figure it out.) C'mon c'mon. Uh huh.
Ho ho ho.
Hey where's that beat comin' from?
Check it out.
Hey yo that's my homeboys New Kids On the Block!
Hey, this is pretty funky!

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

New Kids On The Block, let's rock! It's Christmas time.
We're gonna celebrate with a rhyme.
Danny D, are you ready? - Ready as I'll ever be
Steady - you know, Joey Joe is ready!
Jordan and Jon? Yeah! Come on, we got a funky, funky Christmas going on.

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

(Jordan)
Funky Christmas! And a funky New Year! I swear we got ourselves a party here.
Girls on the floor, Northside posse at the door
Should I stop? Nah cool - here's more - of this song, a funky Christmas melody
'Cause Jordan K feels so Christmasy
Throw your hands in the air - now pause - kick the ballistics Santa Claus!

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

(Joe in odd English accent)
Sneaking downstairs on Christmas Eve
I saw a sight that you just wouldn't believe:
St. Nick, by the fireplace, dusting off his booty with a frown on his face.
He said hey - I said what - he said you - I said what.
He said you left the fire burning and I burnt my butt
So now I've learned, you've got to turn
The fireplace down so Santa won't get burned.

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

Yo MC Santa, you didn't know my boy Donnie could play percussion, did you?
I didn't have a clue.
Yeah, get busy Donnie.

(Donnie solo) Yeah. Uh huh.
Hey check this out Little Train.
Go 'head.
Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho ho ho. Ho ho ho... Break it down!

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

(Danny)
Slipping and sliding through the city streets
I'll be in town getting down to the Christmas beat.
It's Danny D, I'm here, with Christmas cheer
No feeling to end the party of the year.
It's going, I'm showing, fresh rhymes I'm throwing,
It's snowing outside but we ho-ho-hoing.
Santa's on the way, sleigh bells are ringing, swinging, everybody start singing.

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

It's Christmas, can you swing this?
Funky, dope jam top on your Christmas LIST, do you dig this?
Boy, there ain't no twist.
Just something you wish for and you almost missed - huh!
Funky Christmas, and a Happy New Year, how could you be booin' it?
With Donnie D's doing it?

Have a funky funky Christmas. Have a funky funky Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho, this is the MC Santa Claus and my elf, Little Train.
Yeah, merry Christmas, merry Christmas, we gonna kick the ballistics of our Christmas wishes.

(Insert Donnie Santa Claus and his elf listing off 'label' people and commenting on them.)

Yo merry merry merry Christmas!
And a funky New Year.
Man!
Hey, it's getting cold out here.
Yo man, let's get on them reindeer and let's bust outta here.
Let's get. Let's get. Peace.
Peace.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Did a bum shower in my sink?

Oh, and P.S. This is what my bathroom sink looked like when I came home today.


I don't know what happened between the time I brushed my teeth at 6:45 this morning and 3:45 when I went pee after I got home. You can't see it, but it's full of water too. No wait, half full of water. Because the other half is underneath the sink soaked into my newly purchased toilet paper and girlie goods.

Fuck.

Anything else?

Die TWC. Die.

I fucking hate Time Warner Cable.

Do they think that no one works? Do they assume that all of their customers are available at the stupid time frames that they have for service? 12-3. 3-6. What the fuck? I work, you dumbasses! I work a half-hour away and cannot get home until 3:30 at the very earliest. And that's pushing it. I literally have to excuse my class, grab my shit, and get in my car.

And why in the hell do they install cable boxes that are as old as dirt? Oh wait, to get my money when they have to come back out to reinstall a newer box. Ugh. I hate you TWC.

So a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to rent a movie on Pay Per View. Awesome. I went through the button-pushing process, hit 'buy,' and wallah! Nothing. Fuck. Try it again. And.... nothing. Son of a ....

I pick up the phone and dial 1-888-TW-CABLE (which, on a side note, is equally awesome because I have a BlackBerry and those little letters are so totally not on my numbers).

Thank goodness the smartest-TWC-associate-ever picks up the line. She proceeds to tell me that I can't get the movie because my cable box is too old. What do you mean 'it's too old??" I just moved in here and got it installed like 3 months ago! Yeah, sometimes we install the older boxes, but I'm not really sure why because we have problems like this frequently. Well, WTF? Can I get a NEW cable box? Yeah, but we have to charge you for someone to come out and install it. But what I'll do is give you the box for free for a year. You must be able to see my thoughts through the phone because you charging me is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of in my life. You are charging me for something that should have been taken care of in the first place.

So anyway, we get the discounts set up, the movie taken off my bill, and an appointment set up.

How's December 3 between 3 and 6 sound? Do you have anything later because I can't be home until 3:30. The latest we have is between 3 and 6. Um, ok, but I CAN"T BE HOME UNTIL 3:30. Ok, well I'll put a note on this order to call before the appointment and that you can't be there until 3:30. Awesome.

Flash to today, December 3 at 5:00. For some reason, I had a feeling they weren't coming so I called.

Yeah, hi, I had an appointment scheduled for today and I was just wondering if it was still in your system? Oh.... yeah.... I have a note here that says they came to a 'yellow house' at 3:25 and no one was there. (Are you fucking kidding me?) First, I don't live in a house. Second - Is your apartment building yellow? Well, yes, I suppose. But this is the thing. I specifically told the person that made the appointment that I wasn't able to be here until 3:30 and she specifically told me that she'd make a note that they should call before coming out and that it HAS to be after 3:30. Well, I understand, but your appointment was scheduled between 3 and 6. Right. I get that. But I work. And your availability does not fit with my availability. And I told the last person that and she assured me that it wouldn't be a problem. I'm sorry about that. (No you're not, you fucking whore.) We can schedule you for another day. Let's see... we have next Wednesday between 3 and 6...? Yeah, no. I work. I.can't.get.here.until.3:30. Oh, well, that's the only time we have available on weekdays. Really? Because when I got cable installed 3 months ago, my appointment was between 4 and 7. Oh, well, we don't have anything that late. Ok, so for someone that works.... what might your suggestion be for an appointment time? We can do Saturdays. Ok, what are the slots available?

So she schedules me for 2 and a half weeks from today.

If I had an opportunity to switch to another cable company, I would do it in a heartbeat. Literally. I'd give TWC the middle finger and tell them to kiss my college-degreed, I-have-a-career-working ass.

Dear Time Warner Cable,
I hate you.
You should die.
Regards,
Brandi

Monday, December 1, 2008

I'm sorry, where?

Today, in class, I saw a small wad of paper fly across the room and hit one of my (hilarious) girls in the collarbone. Before I could say anything to the area that it came from, I hear, "That hit me in my dignity!"

All I could do was laugh. I didn't care who threw it or why at that point. That hit me in my dignity? Seriously, this is what I get at least once a day. They crack me up.