Anyway, a friend of mine has been kind enough to send me fantastic quotes each day (ok, it's only been 2 days, but still). I thought her initial text was kind of weird, but then I realized she was trying to give me words of advice. I told her this morning it's helping to replace the "good morning" texts I used to get from him. Because like one of my really good friends told me, "The hardest part is making new habits." Oh yeah. Totally right.
It's weird to me that some minutes are bearable and some are outright horrific. I'm having difficulty eating. I start to make myself feel sick and I literally have to force food down my throat. But it's not a lot of food. Lunch is about the only meal that I can do. It's the only meal I don't do alone. But it seems like the second I go into a daze, it's all over.
I did a cycle class tonight at the gym. It's the one that totally rocked my world about 3 weeks ago. The instructor is awesome and the music is even better. It took a lot for me to make myself go. But I did. I don't feel much better, but I still did it. I'm trying as best as I can to go about my daily business. I have to force myself to, but I am.
I'm scared about the weekend. That's when we always hung out. And I don't have work to keep my mind off of things for 8 hours a day. My friend told me to stay at her house this weekend but I feel like I'm intruding. I mean, she's got a husband and a life and I don't want to intrude on that. She says she wouldn't ask if she thought I'd be intruding, but I don't know.
I finally got a hold of my therapist. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon. Thank goodness. It's going to be a messy appointment, but at least I'll be getting professional help. I just want to get past this. And maybe he can help me with the horrible moments.
Anyway, that's really all I have to report today. Another day...