Brandi-anity

I know I'm opening a can of worms on this one but it's on my mind. I've recently started reading a book called, "Eat, Pray, Love" and it's caused me to take yet another look at my beliefs...or lack of them. It's about a woman that goes on a spiritual journey after a divorce and a bout with depression.

So I'll just get it out of the way.... I don't think I believe in God. Now, before you throw all sorts of judgements my way and say, "I never thought you were one of those," I must interrupt. I am a I-believe-it-when-I-see-it kinda girl. It's as simple as that. I believe that there was a man named Jesus Christ that taught a number of people some ideas about the religion he believed in, but I don't think he's a supernatural being. I saw Passion of the Christ and it really moved me, but I don't know if I really believed he rose after his death or was even born from miraculous conception for that matter. I've been to church (mostly Christian based) and tried so desperately to FEEL what everyone else was feeling, but I don't and never have. One of my BEST friends is a strong believer in the Christian faith and I respect her faith and beliefs, but I don't believe in it.

Does this make me a bad person? I say, no. I think that I am a good person with positive values, but I don't live my life through my religion, hoping that someday it will get me into Heaven. Do I believe in heaven? I don't know. Do I believe in any sort of afterlife? I think I might. I believe that my loved ones that have passed still have spiritual presence in my life, but I don't know if I believe that they sit around on fluffy clouds all day looking down on me. But I guess everyone's interpretation of heaven is different.

Now this is where it gets complicated... I teach 6th grade. Social Studies consists of studying ancient civilizations and their ways of life. The most fascinating religions that we study are Buddhism and Hinduism, at least in my opinion. Buddhism is so simple. People suffer because they want, so stop wanting. I am a long way from becoming a Buddhist monk, but I find living the simplest life possible to be so interesting. I don't even know if I could do it, but I would love to learn more about it. Hinduism, if I remember correctly, is centered around karma. How you live your life will determine where you end up in your next life. Do I believe in reincarnation? I don't know. But I find both religions, in their simplest form, fascinating.

What it all comes down to is that I live my life based on the decisions that I think are good for me and those that I love. Not based on what might get me into a supernatural afterlife. I try and be positive everyday and make others around me enjoy my presence in their lives. If I could wrap all these values into a nice and neat religion, then call me a religious person. But please don't judge me because I'm not, at least not in the I-believe-in-God terms. Actually, if you're going to judge me, let me know. Because I'd rather not have the negative energy in my life.